Lose Your Control

Oh friend. The skies were so blue yesterday. And still today, I don’t see any snow in the park. It’s overcast and a little rainy but it’s actually very comforting. I’ve always loved heavy clouds and rain. It’s like a blanket to me. Even though the air is wet, it still has a touch of warmth to it. Mmmm. My coffee is especially delicious today.

My sweet little beagle has been barking up a storm. He was staring out the window & I could tell there was something out there that he was very excited about. When I looked out to see what it was, there I saw it...bouncing across the lawn in it’s furry gloriousness. A squirrel. I felt like barking out the window too! Well, for different reasons than my puppy. Spring is finally showing itself. It’s not bathing suit weather quite yet, but hey...I’ll take it. Actually, I don’t know why I act like get excited about “bathing suit season”. My bathing suit now consists of a tshirt and shorts that go down to my knees...and that’s if I’m just with my husband and feeling sassy. I jumped on the scale yesterday and realized that I’ve been VERY good about putting on my winter weight...or as I like to call it, “my insulation”. (All of the positive thinking that I’ve been doing to make sure I finish strong at the things I start has obviously been working. Well done, Heather. Well done. You deserve a cookie.) Anyway, I just long for long summer days to sit in the backyard with friends and watch my husband barbecue on the grill. But “barbecuing days” doesn’t sound as cute as “bathing suit season.” So that will be one of my codes when we talk. Glad we got that out there.

I was planning on having a little “surface talk” with you. But we’re closer than that. So I decided I won’t hold back. You love me regardless of my flaws, right? I sure hope you know I love you unconditionally too. You’re mess and flaws are FABULOUS. Can I just share something with you then? I know this may come as a surprise to you...but I HATE having to be patient. What’s even harder if having to be patient AND trusting God at the same time. I would much rather busy myself with details and actions I can take that help make me feel in control of my situation. Or if there’s nothing I can do to make myself feel like I’m controlling a part of the situation, I allow myself to get worked up, anxious & stressed.

Proverbs 16:9 says, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” That verse is pretty straight forward. The first part of that verse is super easy for me to do; but resting in the fact of the second part, not so easy.

And I’ve noticed something that I’ve done a lot. I will pray and tell God that I trust Him & that I’m resting in Him, but my actions prove otherwise. I know God is in control, but living accordingly; there’s an issue there for me sometimes. If I say I know God’s holding my life & guiding my every step, but I don’t live like I know it, do I REALLY believe it?

I feel like it’s comparable to someone telling me that they love me, but not showing it in their actions. Very quickly it becomes clear to me that this person does not really love me because none of their actions line up with what they’re saying! And I want my life to line up. I’ve realized it’s now a conscious decision that I have make on a daily basis (many, many times a day) to stop my thoughts, stop what I’m doing, stop how I’m acting, and purposefully share my heart with God, proclaim that He is in control, and let go of my attempt at controlling anything. Then I meditate and recite verses that will keep my thoughts on that track. But girl, this is difficult for me. It does not come naturally. But I know what the truth is & I want to live in it.

Deuteronomy 7:9, “Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.” Isn’t that an incredible verse!? God is God, just know that. And also know He’s a faithful God. He keeps His promises. Woohoo! Can’t we be excited about that!? I’m about to embarrass my husband & climb the rooftop to shout to the entire city! This is such good news!!

My cute (most of the time) puppy is such an example of how I should live. He just loves all the time. Doesn’t matter who you are, what your past is like or what mistakes you’ve made that day...he LOVES. He’ll give kisses, cuddle all up on you, stare at you with his big, brown eyes with such affection and love. He’s so happy-go-lucky and just trots around the house like today is the best day of his life. He doesn’t worry or stress himself out wondering if he’s getting fed that night. He’s not concerned that if his water bowl gets low it won’t ever be filled back up again. He doesn’t care when we live paycheck to paycheck. So if we can take care of our dog and make sure he has everything he needs, then HOW MUCH MORE can we trust our Savior? Seriously. The God who sent his only Son to DIE for US. How much greater does He want to pour out blessings on us? We serve a God that gives abundantly. Not once have I had a need that He has just barely filled. He has always provided for me above and beyond! This isn’t to say that we can just get “stuff” from Him, or whatever we want, He’ll give to us. Sometimes something like looks like sweet candy to us but ends up being poison. And He knows this & is so faithful take care of His children. He doesn’t take care of you “just barely”; but ABUNDANTLY. He is our daddy, so of course He delights when we laugh & we’re happy & receive special little surprises. Besides the verses that I used above, here are a couple others that I’m standing on. Declare them in your own life & I know you’ll be able to see God powerfully move.

Psalm 37:4 & 7 says, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass … Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.” 

This verse is one that I learned when I was little. So in the past I've had a tendency to pass over it or read it really fast and move on because I had it memorized; I already "knew" it. Honestly, I feel like I had become a numb to this verse. But thank you, Jesus, that Your Word is living. This verse has now become one of my favorites & I can just eat every word when I read it now. Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” 

So I am dying to my self and doing what is unnatural. I give You control of my life, my Savior, my Provider, my Protector, my Daddy. I know You are in control & I am not. I release my grip on my own life and cling to You tightly. And I declare You as faithful!