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Every aspect of my life has been changed by Christ. His free gift of salvation has saved me. My heart, once empty, is now overflowing with true joy and beats with passion for my Savior.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Loving Truth


I love that the Lord meets me where I’m at in life, dont you? It’s incredible that the God of the universe will walk along side me during this journey of growth, healing & restoration. I’m in awe of how quickly and powerfully He has entered into the areas of my life and heart that I knew had been closed off and were desperate for His presence. I’m ashamed to admit that I was expecting to have to convince Him to consume and heal those places. But nope. The moment I gave up control and invited Him in, He took over. Just as it should be.

I feel like a big ole’ stinky onion whose layers are being pulled back. One after another after another. I’m recognizing Jesus more. This is extremely exciting and scary and wonderful all at the same time. I’m excited because the more I see, the more I fall in love with Him. It’s scary because my flesh is always reminding me that I’m not perfect. It’s wonderful because He’s telling me I don’t have to be.

As the Lord is revealing people and things in my life, I am trying to address them one at a time. I’ve been encouraged. And e x t r e m e l y convicted.

I wholeheartedly believe that the Holy Spirit is impressing upon me an urgency to share Jesus through my words. Not just my actions. I know that there is a balance to be struck between talking about Jesus and living my life in such a way that He is seen through it. I don’t want to do more of one than the other. Honestly, I think that living differently is sometimes the easier of the two. I do my thing, you do your thing. Hopefully you see the difference in me. Hopefully YOU will approach ME. That means you’re willing to hear about Jesus. But the idea of ME approaching YOU, definitely takes me outside my comfort zone. There’s something about being…so…direct…that makes me hesitate. I don’t want to step on someone’s toes or overstep my boundaries. I don’t want to come across as judging. But I also don’t want to sugar-coat the Truth. 

I'm ashamed to admit all of that. But I'm being honest.

Well, this is what it boils down to.

There is no time left to dance around the truth. It's not my job to convince, convict or convert anybody. It is my job however, to share the Truth that I know, have experienced and have been changed by. I’m standing in a place of love. And if I love the people around me, I will share Jesus with them. A new love is developing inside of me and I can’t push it aside.

I hope the truth about Jesus is received well. But I’m ok if it’s not. I love the people in my life too much not to say anything. And I’m starting to think a lot less of myself and how I will look. I don’t matter. Jesus does. My life will be over in the blink of an eye. But life after death, whether in heaven or hell, will last an eternity.

So where’s my priority?

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

My Lord is good. He is love. He is the Truth. And I declare my God as faithful!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Wounded Heart

Hello wonderful friend.

I’m afraid I’ve caught myself going through the motions of life again. It’s so frustrating when I break out of something then have re-“ah-ha” moment & realize that the mediocrity I’ve tried to avoid has once again emerged. How frustrating.

I started this blog because I was tired of wearing a mask. Whether or not anyone read it, I was still putting my heart into writing and acknowledging that even though I am a mess, Jesus has saved me & He remains faithful in my life. I needed to put myself out there in order to heal. If you just put a band-aid on a wound that requires more than that, it doesn’t heal & can even become infected. The Lord told me to be vulnerable with you; to be bold in my proclamation of His promises & to not be afraid of my imperfections & weaknesses.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 

God has been revealing His faithfulness & goodness in my life in order to bring me to the next part of where I need to me. He has spoken gently to me, assuring me that my heart is safe with Him. He has shown me His faithfulness over & over again & has used situations in the past year, situations of both rejoicing and mourning, to show me He does not change. I know He has is growing me. And as He does, He has opened my eyes to different parts of my life that need to change.

The word “wholeheartedly” has been popping up everywhere. Does that ever happen to you? A word or verse or concept that keeps showing up everywhere you look? After seeing it a few times, I realized that Jesus was telling me He wants access to EVERY part of my heart so that I can love & serve Him WHOLEHEARTEDLY. I immediately responded with “You do.” But I began to realize that I have had parts of my heart closed so tightly that I haven’t even let Jesus into them. By trying to keep them isolated, I have unintentionally kept Jesus out as well. They are areas that are so dark & overwhelming that I have sealed them up, thinking that if I just closed that chapter & moved on as the new person I have become, it would be all right. But it is not all right. I put a band-aid on wounds that needed more than that.

So, sweet friend, if you think about me, would you please pray for me during this process? Some wounds need to be re-opened to be properly cleaned out so that they can heal properly, which will undoubtedly be painful. But I am excited to give Jesus access into every part of my heart & life. I am tired of wincing at the very idea that my beautiful Savior would see how unclean I truly am. I know I can’t hide things from Him, yet I’ve acted like I could. He knows. I know He knows. I think I've just been scared of the pain that addressing all of this would bring. But I'm more afraid of not giving Jesus everything I am. That is why I am thankful for the loving guidance He has been giving me on this beautiful & messy journey. I know my heart is safe with Him. I know that He will lead me safely through this.

He has always known about these parts of my heart. Yet He loves me! Nothing is hidden from Him! Yet He loves me! He is patient & kind. So I am inviting Him to mold my heart more into what He desires. It's time for FREEDOM.

Please let me know if I can talk with you or pray for you about anything specific as well.

I declare my God as faithful!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Full of Thanks

I think it's so great when we all come together & discuss the same thing. Especially when we're on the subject of being thankful! There's a sense of unity & connection that I just love. I've been really enjoying everyone's Facebook statuses & Tweets about what they are thankful for. It's neat to all be focused on the wonderful people & blessings in our lives, isn't it? I've read everything from, "I'm so thankful for my family" to "I'm thankful for our soldiers", all the way to "I'm thankful for chocolate...of any kind". I'm thankful for all of the above! And sure, that last one may have been mine, but I am. No really.

I have so much to be thankful for. This year has been amazing. Not without it's challenges. But amazing. As I write this, my sweet little 3 month old is cooing away in her little swing, just telling me all sorts of stories. Her face lights up when our dog walks by or she hears something familiar. Oh Jesus, thank you for her. She is my heart.

Every thanksgiving season I always see Philippians 4:6 at some point. Whether it's in an email, on Facebook or in a card. I love it. It always reminds me of how my husband & I began learning what true thankfulness looks like during the first year we were married. What an awesome verse. And what a gift it's been to learn this with my best friend. He's pretty great. And extremely good looking. Lord, thank you for his good looks. I never tire of looking at him. Oh yeah, his personality, tenderness & humor too. But back to his good looks. I totally caught myself checking him out the other day. All I could think about was, "Dang. That is all mine. I'm so making out with him later." Happy thanksgiving to me. C'mon now, I'm married. It's so legal.

Philippians 4:6&7 says,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

We went from being thankful for the good days, to being thankful for the good in every day. And there sure is a very big difference between the two! Even in times of pain, uncertainty or confusion, there is always something greater & good to be thankful for. This is not always easy to do & the Lord knows it doesn't always come naturally for me, but I'm thankful that my God is patient with me as I continue to learn & practice this truth. I'm in awe of you who continue to show me what this looks like on a grander scale. There are those of you in my life that have had major tragedy happen and remain thankful for God's goodness & faithfulness. You bless me & everyone around you. And I'm thankful for the examples you are! I'm thankful for the women who have & continued to pour into my life!

I'm also so very grateful for the sweet, peaceful seasons of rest & renewal too! Our God is a good God. He is just as present on our sad days as He is on our happy ones.

Above all, I am thankful that God that loves me! And I am thankful that that love is so great for me that He offers us the gift of salvation. Freely. No strings attached. Our forever. All we have to do is accept it! That's a pretty good deal, right?

My God is good. He is my Salvation. And I declare my God as faithful!



Thursday, November 8, 2012

Precious Arrival


Ok, so it’s been a thousand months since we’ve talked. My entire world has been turned upside down, sideways and inside out! All in good ways! We had our baby girl in August! Healthy, gorgeous and HAPPY all the time! The first thing I noticed when they laid her on my chest was her eye lids. She has my puffy eyelids. I did that! Wow. That is the coolest thing ever!! Oh, and my nose.

I cannot believe that she’s half me and half my husband. And I don’t think it really hits you until you see & hold your baby for the first time. That moment was the best of my life. I’m so passionately in love with her. She has been the PERFECT addition to our little family. She is a symbol of God’s love, goodness and faithfulness. We named her Raelyn because it means “God’s lamb of beauty.” Her middle name is Grace, “God’s unmerited favor”. We knew that’s exactly who she was. My mighty little princess warrior.

It’s incredible to know that because of God’s timing and His working everything out for our good, we have our daughter. Losing our first baby last year was the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. But even in the midst of the pain, I felt my God’s presence. I knew He was faithful and was ever so close to my heart. My second pregnancy was a constant opportunity to trust Jesus and meditate on His goodness…not my fears. And our beautiful daughter is one more example of how loving and good my God remains. If we hadn’t lost our first baby, I would not have Raelyn. It’s hard to explain how that makes me feel. It does not ease the heartache and depth of loss I still feel. I am not glad that it happened. However, God used that pain to teach me more about His heart than any “happy” season of my life. And He has created something beautiful through the timing and through His plan…the sweet life I now hold in my arms every day. (She’s pretty incredible, I gotta tell ya.)

So be encouraged, as I have been. He is good. Being able to see more clearly that He gives beauty for ashes and joy for mourning has made me fall in love with Him even more.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1


Our little peanut now sleeps through the night and has started allowing me to put her in her swing throughout the day so I can get things done. Like I said, she’s pretty incredible. So, I am looking forward to talking with you more. You are special to me & I have prayed for you during my absence…and sleep deprivation.

Blessings, sweet friend.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

In Every Situation

I absolutely love Philippians 4:6 & 7. It was a very precious verse to my husband & I during our first year of marriage when we were learning to fully rely on God even when circumstances felt incredibly shaky & the future felt unpredictable. The truth & lessons we learned through this verse become a part of our core, so this verse continues to be very dear to me. It reminds me of God's goodness in the past. And it encourages & gives me confidence about His goodness in the present & future. When we would recite this verse, we'd take it one line at a time, soak in it & practice it. The "give thanksgiving" part was not always easy. Especially when we felt like we were lacking something big at that moment. But as we communicated our thankfulness, our hearts began to be truly thankful & we realized how abundantly blessed we were & how much we had to be thankful for! I pray this verse blesses you where you're at now. I love you, dear friend.


Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving*, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus*.

*Thanksgiving: The expression of gratitude to God

*Will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus: The enemy does not battle to change our situations. He battles to defeat our minds & hearts! Your heart & mind, when connected to God, are the outlets in which the joy & peace that God gives flows. If the enemy can trick or even distract your heart or mind, then you will be deceived into thinking that your situations have overwhelmed you & you will live today defeated and disheartened. But the truth is, God continues to hold you in His hand & work for your good. God & His provision for you will not change, but if you allow the enemy to enter into your heart & mind, he WILL enter & try to deceive you! Rely on God’s unchanging truth, not our changing emotions or limited understanding. That means the moment satan tries to put doubt, fear or worry into your heart or mind, you immediately claim God’s truth in your life, over & over & over. God’s Word is His truth, so keep a scripture you can look at, meditate on & quote out loud written down right next to you today. And when you read it, don’t speed through it. Take it line by line & claim it. The same Holy Spirit that dwelt in Jesus now dwells in YOU! And satan cannot intimidate, change or manipulate you unless you give him permission. Make your focus on Jesus & His goodness! Be mesmerized by Him today!

Friday, May 25, 2012

That Man of Mine

I am watching my husband live out Ephesians 5:28. “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” With all the raging hormones and emotions flying around, I know that my husband does not have an easy job right now. Not that living with me didn't have its challenges before, but let's just be honest, pregnancy can make a woman a little...unpredictable. So I wanted to use this time to brag on him for a moment. And as a thank you to him, I decided to compile a little list of the recent amazingness he's shown me. Jarred, you're the best.


PREGNANCY MAKE ME APPRECIATE MY HUSBAND EVEN MORE WHEN...

I wake up in the middle of the night, AC going full blast, and I still feel like I’m burning up. Then I look over and see my husband wrapped up tightly in 3 extra blankets, only his nose showing, because he’s so cold. (And I never hear any complaints about his frostbite in the morning.)

My husband gives “the pause” after he says something and isn’t sure how I’ll respond to it. If my expression isn’t looking positive within .098 seconds, he will either back pedal like his life depends on it (because it just might) or tell me how beautiful I am to distract me. I’m perfectly ok with either one.

The bigger & more uncomfortable I feel, the louder his whistles and cat calls are when he catches me changing. He leaves no room in my mind for me to feel unattractive.

He comes to every one of my doctor’s appointments. He’s very helpful at remembering the questions that I always forget to ask my nurse. The other day I couldn’t remember my question, but knew it had something to do about my belly button. I asked my husband if he could remember. He nodded yes and very seriously told my nurse, “We’d like to know where it went.”

He comes home after a long day at work and an intense hike in the mountains and asks what he can do for ME while he’s making dinner. Seriously? How did I score this guy?

We both realized I just ate as many chicken wings as he did. I look at him in shock. He responds, “I have never wanted you more than at this very moment.”

What a blessing it is to have a husband that not only supports me but constantly makes me laugh. He is patient with my craziness and gentle to my every changing emotions. That man…I’m gonna keep him for sure.

Thank you, God, for my awesome (and extremely good looking) husband! During these times of transition and change, You remain constant. I declare You as faithful!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Cupcakes & Cravings


It is incredible the correlation I’m constantly seeing between being pregnant and living a Christ-centered life. (Well, besides losing my belly button, basic coordination and short-term memory. But even then, I’m sure I could find some connection if you gave me enough time. Speaking of coordination, I walked into two walls last week. Not one. TWO. It wouldn’t have been so surprising had I been blindfolded… or looking behind me while I was walking. But my eyes were wide open and looking straight ahead. And regardless of what I told my husband, those walls didn’t really jump out in front of me. Is this normal because we may need to take out some extra insurance. I still have three months to go and let’s be honest…I wasn’t the most coordinated person to begin with.)

Despite my sore toes and bruised knees, I love that God uses the circumstances I'm in now to teach me more about who He is and who He’s created me to be. I was thinking this morning about the freedom I felt before I was pregnant to eat what I wanted to without giving it a second thought. It was so different then. Whatever I consume now not only affects me, but the growing and developing little life inside of me. It’s my responsibility to eat healthy so that my baby can eat healthy. I drink lots of water, I take my vitamins, and I go for my walks. It’s not that I get excited to do those things, but I know it’s what I need to do. Don’t get me wrong-- I love my cupcakes too. (Oooooh, especially when they just come out of the oven…and they smell so good that you’re willing to suffer 2nd degree burns just to bite into one at that very moment. And after you do burn your entire mouth, you still think it was so worth it and go back for 2 more. Oh…you wait for them to cool off? Umm..yeah, me too.) Anyways, my mindset overall has definitely changed. After being aware of what I should and shouldn’t eat or do, the decisions have become more second nature to me and I have a new sense of responsibility.

That is how I long to be with my relationship with Jesus! I am not living for myself. There’s so much junk in the world that is readily and easily consumable. But just because my flesh wants to say or do or consume something, doesn’t mean I should allow it to! Jesus Christ lives inside of me. I am a new creation! My flesh has died and I now live a life of holiness. And what I consume, what I watch and what I say, affects my relationship with Him. As overwhelming as it can be to navigate through the negativity, immorality and self-gratification of our culture, Jesus longs for us to live a life of hope, purity and contentment! He has given us the Holy Spirit not only to guide us through this maze of a world, but to convict us about the things that we need to purge of. Even the “little” things in our lives matter. The movies we watch, the music we listen to, the words we speak, the actions we take, the thoughts we meditate on and the reasons behind our motives. Everything affects us whether we realize it or not. Jesus abundantly gives holy things for us to consume so that we will be more like Him. And sometimes (ok, most of the time) that means that we have to deny the flesh and clean out our lives so that His life and can easily flow into us. The choice is ours and we must make it daily. 

Lamentations 3:22 & 23 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

So this week, may we be aware of everything we are consuming and consider getting rid of some of the things we know are not beneficial in our relationship with God. The more of God and His Word we consume, the more evident it becomes that what the world offers if bland and temporary, but living a Christ-filled life is eternal…and tastes like a sweet, delicious cupcake! Be blessed, my friend! I declare my God as faithful! 

"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" Psalm 119:103




Thursday, May 17, 2012

Rejoicing in Noes


I find it interesting that when I ask God for a clear answer about something, I usually get discouraged when I hear “No”. Or even harder to hear is, “You have to wait.” I usually try to add a little gray into the black and white answer I eagerly ask for. “So Lord, does ‘no’ mean just not at this second? Are you going to change your mind this afternoon? Because I have to tell ya, I need an answer on this soon.” Since when did receiving the answer I don’t want to hear become an irrelevant answer? Do I really mean what I’m asking for in my prayers? This little fact about myself has been eye opening to say the least!

My husband & I are currently considering buying a house. We have seen numerous houses. In each house, I always love to envision where I would put our dining room table, which room the baby’s room would be & think about the bbq parties we would have with friends in the back yard. Of the many houses we’ve seen, we’ve only liked 2 enough to give an offer. (And just a side note: Whoever told me that it’s the buyers market right now has definitely not tried to buy in our area. Wowzers! I feel like I’m a little tadpole in a tank of sharks right now!) Anyways, we put an offer on a house about 2 weeks ago. After we submitted all the paperwork we needed to, there seemed to be one hold up after the other on the broker’s side. I asked God to give me His peace & a confidence to know that He knew what was best for us & that any hold up would not effect whether or not this house was supposed to be ours.  And boy, did I feel that. My confidence didn’t have to do with the amount of our offer or the fact that we were the first bid. That really doesn’t guarantee anything in the house-buying world I’ve learned. But I had this overwhelming peace that I’ve had many times before. I grabbed a rock from beside the driveway & decided I would put it on our countertop at home. I told Jarred that whenever we looked at that rock, we were going to claim our house & thank God for it. I don’t think he was necessarily on the same page as I was, because his response was, “Whether or not we get this house, this rock represents that God knows what’s best for us.” What was he thinking!? I had a peace & confidence that God knew what He was doing, so obviously that meant this house was my house. A few days later, Jarred called me from work & told me that we didn’t get the house. I could have just passed out on the floor from shock. All I could think was, “But my rock…it’s right here.” After my initial shock & a few tears, my husband reminded me what that rock really represented & that we had been praying for God’s answer about the house…not a yes. Oh snap. That’s right!

So this past week I’ve been more aware as I pray & ask God for His answer or direction about anything. And I’m keenly aware of the words I’m praying when I say “Your will be done.” When you ask for that second one & mean it, buckle up because you never know what’s going to happen. I think the most rewarding & spiritually growing times in my life, even though sometimes difficult, have happened when I jump wholeheartedly into that statement. But I’ve never regretted those times. Ever. However, even after experiencing it firsthand, my flesh instinctively wants to test the waters again & again before I jump.

So I’ve decided I will no longer pray for God’s will when I know I’m just trying to hear the answer I want. I will first readjust my view, refocus my heart & realize that His best for my life is not always what I want at that moment. I have many, many, many examples of that in the past. Yet, I still need reminding. Thank you, Lord for reminding me…again. So all of this to say, I am so grateful for my “noes” in life. They are just as beautiful as my “yeses”. If I truly want to be plugged into God’s will, I will be thankful for each guided step & rejoice in every answer He gives me. He is always good to His children & I declare my God as faithful! 

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