That Man of Mine

I am watching my husband live out Ephesians 5:28. “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” With all the raging hormones and emotions flying around, I know that my husband does not have an easy job right now. Not that living with me didn't have its challenges before, but let's just be honest, pregnancy can make a woman a little...unpredictable. So I wanted to use this time to brag on him for a moment. And as a thank you to him, I decided to compile a little list of the recent amazingness he's shown me. Jarred, you're the best.


PREGNANCY MAKE ME APPRECIATE MY HUSBAND EVEN MORE WHEN...

I wake up in the middle of the night, AC going full blast, and I still feel like I’m burning up. Then I look over and see my husband wrapped up tightly in 3 extra blankets, only his nose showing, because he’s so cold. (And I never hear any complaints about his frostbite in the morning.)

My husband gives “the pause” after he says something and isn’t sure how I’ll respond to it. If my expression isn’t looking positive within .098 seconds, he will either back pedal like his life depends on it (because it just might) or tell me how beautiful I am to distract me. I’m perfectly ok with either one.

The bigger & more uncomfortable I feel, the louder his whistles and cat calls are when he catches me changing. He leaves no room in my mind for me to feel unattractive.

He comes to every one of my doctor’s appointments. He’s very helpful at remembering the questions that I always forget to ask my nurse. The other day I couldn’t remember my question, but knew it had something to do about my belly button. I asked my husband if he could remember. He nodded yes and very seriously told my nurse, “We’d like to know where it went.”

He comes home after a long day at work and an intense hike in the mountains and asks what he can do for ME while he’s making dinner. Seriously? How did I score this guy?

We both realized I just ate as many chicken wings as he did. I look at him in shock. He responds, “I have never wanted you more than at this very moment.”

What a blessing it is to have a husband that not only supports me but constantly makes me laugh. He is patient with my craziness and gentle to my every changing emotions. That man…I’m gonna keep him for sure.

Thank you, God, for my awesome (and extremely good looking) husband! During these times of transition and change, You remain constant. I declare You as faithful!

Cupcakes & Cravings

It is incredible the correlation I’m constantly seeing between being pregnant and living a Christ-centered life. (Well, besides losing my belly button, basic coordination and short-term memory. But even then, I’m sure I could find some connection if you gave me enough time. Speaking of coordination, I walked into two walls last week. Not one. TWO. It wouldn’t have been so surprising had I been blindfolded… or looking behind me while I was walking. But my eyes were wide open and looking straight ahead. And regardless of what I told my husband, those walls didn’t really jump out in front of me. Is this normal because we may need to take out some extra insurance. I still have three months to go and let’s be honest…I wasn’t the most coordinated person to begin with.)

Despite my sore toes and bruised knees, I love that God uses the circumstances I'm in now to teach me more about who He is and who He’s created me to be. I was thinking this morning about the freedom I felt before I was pregnant to eat what I wanted to without giving it a second thought. It was so different then. Whatever I consume now not only affects me, but the growing and developing little life inside of me. It’s my responsibility to eat healthy so that my baby can eat healthy. I drink lots of water, I take my vitamins, and I go for my walks. It’s not that I get excited to do those things, but I know it’s what I need to do. Don’t get me wrong-- I love my cupcakes too. (Oooooh, especially when they just come out of the oven…and they smell so good that you’re willing to suffer 2^nd degree burns just to bite into one at that very moment. And after you do burn your entire mouth, you still think it was so worth it and go back for 2 more. Oh…you wait for them to cool off? Umm..yeah, me too.) Anyways, my mindset overall has definitely changed. After being aware of what I should and shouldn’t eat or do, the decisions have become more second nature to me and I have a new sense of responsibility.

That is how I long to be with my relationship with Jesus! I am not living for myself. There’s so much junk in the world that is readily and easily consumable. But just because my flesh wants to say or do or consume something, doesn’t mean I should allow it to! Jesus Christ lives inside of me. I am a new creation! My flesh has died and I now live a life of holiness. And what I consume, what I watch and what I say, affects my relationship with Him. As overwhelming as it can be to navigate through the negativity, immorality and self-gratification of our culture, Jesus longs for us to live a life of hope, purity and contentment! He has given us the Holy Spirit not only to guide us through this maze of a world, but to convict us about the things that we need to purge of. Even the “little” things in our lives matter. The movies we watch, the music we listen to, the words we speak, the actions we take, the thoughts we meditate on and the reasons behind our motives. Everything affects us whether we realize it or not. Jesus abundantly gives holy things for us to consume so that we will be more like Him. And sometimes (ok, most of the time) that means that we have to deny the flesh and clean out our lives so that His life and can easily flow into us. The choice is ours and we must make it daily. 

Lamentations 3:22 & 23 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

So this week, may we be aware of everything we are consuming and consider getting rid of some of the things we know are not beneficial in our relationship with God. The more of God and His Word we consume, the more evident it becomes that what the world offers if bland and temporary, but living a Christ-filled life is eternal…and tastes like a sweet, delicious cupcake! Be blessed, my friend! I declare my God as faithful! 

"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" Psalm 119:103

Rejoicing in Noes

I find it interesting that when I ask God for a clear answer about something, I usually get discouraged when I hear “No”. Or even harder to hear is, “You have to wait.” I usually try to add a little gray into the black and white answer I eagerly ask for. “So Lord, does ‘no’ mean just not at this second? Are you going to change your mind this afternoon? Because I have to tell ya, I need an answer on this soon.” Since when did receiving the answer I don’t want to hear become an irrelevant answer? Do I really mean what I’m asking for in my prayers? This little fact about myself has been eye opening to say the least!

My husband & I are currently considering buying a house. We have seen numerous houses. In each house, I always love to envision where I would put our dining room table, which room the baby’s room would be & think about the bbq parties we would have with friends in the back yard. Of the many houses we’ve seen, we’ve only liked 2 enough to give an offer. (And just a side note: Whoever told me that it’s the buyers market right now has definitely not tried to buy in our area. Wowzers! I feel like I’m a little tadpole in a tank of sharks right now!) Anyways, we put an offer on a house about 2 weeks ago. After we submitted all the paperwork we needed to, there seemed to be one hold up after the other on the broker’s side. I asked God to give me His peace & a confidence to know that He knew what was best for us & that any hold up would not effect whether or not this house was supposed to be ours.  And boy, did I feel that. My confidence didn’t have to do with the amount of our offer or the fact that we were the first bid. That really doesn’t guarantee anything in the house-buying world I’ve learned. But I had this overwhelming peace that I’ve had many times before. I grabbed a rock from beside the driveway & decided I would put it on our countertop at home. I told Jarred that whenever we looked at that rock, we were going to claim our house & thank God for it. I don’t think he was necessarily on the same page as I was, because his response was, “Whether or not we get this house, this rock represents that God knows what’s best for us.” What was he thinking!? I had a peace & confidence that God knew what He was doing, so obviously that meant this house was my house. A few days later, Jarred called me from work & told me that we didn’t get the house. I could have just passed out on the floor from shock. All I could think was, “But my rock…it’s right here.” After my initial shock & a few tears, my husband reminded me what that rock really represented & that we had been praying for God’s answer about the house…not a yes. Oh snap. That’s right!

So this past week I’ve been more aware as I pray & ask God for His answer or direction about anything. And I’m keenly aware of the words I’m praying when I say “Your will be done.” When you ask for that second one & mean it, buckle up because you never know what’s going to happen. I think the most rewarding & spiritually growing times in my life, even though sometimes difficult, have happened when I jump wholeheartedly into that statement. But I’ve never regretted those times. Ever. However, even after experiencing it firsthand, my flesh instinctively wants to test the waters again & again before I jump.

So I’ve decided I will no longer pray for God’s will when I know I’m just trying to hear the answer I want. I will first readjust my view, refocus my heart & realize that His best for my life is not always what I want at that moment. I have many, many, many examples of that in the past. Yet, I still need reminding. Thank you, Lord for reminding me…again. So all of this to say, I am so grateful for my “noes” in life. They are just as beautiful as my “yeses”. If I truly want to be plugged into God’s will, I will be thankful for each guided step & rejoice in every answer He gives me. He is always good to His children & I declare my God as faithful! 

In The Still Of My Heart

I was doing some cleaning yesterday afternoon to prepare for a visit from my sister & baby nephew. It’s always when I know I’ll be having company that I will dust everywhere (yes, even the places you can’t see) and finally decide where to put that stack of mail that has collected in the corner.

As I was finishing up in the kitchen I looked on top of my refrigerator & stared at the hospital bands that I was required to wear the night we lost our first baby. For months they remained on my counter where I could see & touch them every day. I didn’t want to throw them away or hide them. I don’t know why, but they have remained precious, tangible objects that have reminded me of the physical & emotional pain of that night. I could touch them & hold them in my hand when I needed to. And it brought comfort & connection to me. I didn’t want to get rid of them because I didn’t want to forget anything. Now I know I will never forget. How could I? But for a while it was a very real fear for me to think that the memory of that night or our baby would fade or that people would forget about our baby’s life. Those bands symbolized that for me. So getting rid of them would mean that what happened didn't mattered. It terrified me. After a couple of months, I deliberately moved them from my counter to the top of the refrigerator. It was a step towards further healing for me. I knew they were there. If I needed to look at them or hold them, I could. But they were further away. And for the past 5 months, that’s where they have remained.

So yesterday, as I fixated my eyes on them, I began crying. Not out of sorrow, but out of remembrance. And I knew & felt that it was time. Not to discard them, but to tuck them away somewhere special, just like that night & our baby will always be a very real, precious part of me. So I did just that. And I realized something. That piece of my heart is no longer an excruciating, open wound. My God started bandaging it the moment that loss began. He personally tended to it in the quiet nights where I laid in bed sobbing, crying out to Him, wrapped in my husband’s arms. Even though it was painful, there were multiple times that my God changed those bandages & cleaned out the wound, because that’s what it needed. And yesterday, as I tucked those hospital bands away where they will remain from now on, I knew that the wound I have felt for 7 months has now become a beautiful scar. I realize that the healing that Jesus Christ has given me does not diminish the memory of our baby or minimize the significance & importance of that life-changing night. It just means that my God is faithful to walk with me through the dark valley & will restore me always. He is close to the broken-hearted & faithful to His Children. His peace is beyond what we can fathom. His love is deeper than we’ll ever know.

Thank you, Father for my beautiful scar. Enjoy loving on our sweet baby. We look forward to the time when we will be reunited & can do it ourselves. I declare You as faithful, my God, Savior & Comfort.

And as another testament to God’s faithfulness & for those of you who may not know, I am 6 ½ months pregnant with a little girl. We are naming her Raelyn which comes from the name Rachel in the Bible. It means “God’s lamb of beauty”. And oh my goodness, yes she is.