They are one of the hardest things to tame; faster & more powerful than an angry, raging river. They can bring life or death in a matter of mere seconds, but surprisingly enough, they’re used without caution & usually treated as if they’re harmless.
Have you guessed what I’m talking about??
Oh yes, I’m talking about our words. Isn’t it incredible how something you can’t see or hold in your hand can be given so quickly & has the power to change the very being of person? Whether we like it or not, we can be transformed in either a positive or negative way just by what is said to us. This is a scary realization considering how many people just spew words whenever they see fit.
Has someone ever said something that offended you? Before you know it, you feel your blood start to boil, your face gets red, your stomach starts to knot up & your hands get shaky. Does it sound like I’m describing these symptoms from experience? I must confess, I have said my share of hurtful things. Usually it wasn’t said straight out. I’d make sure I let it simmer & fester inside my heart for a while until I physically couldn’t take it anymore. At this point I would do one of two things. I would either never speak to that person again, but continue to have overwhelming hurt or anger towards them (thank you, passive aggressiveness.) Or I would verbally blow up on the person...and...never talk to them again. So usually it ended the same way. I stayed hurt & I never spoke to the person again. This wasn’t a common occurrence in my life, but even once is too many times.
Like most people, I have been on both the receiving & giving end of words. I have received hurtful words. I have given hurtful words. I have received words that gave my soul life. I have given words that gave life.
It wasn’t until after I was married that I began to understand how powerful & potentially life-changing our words are. I began to view my speech & the speech of others very, very differently. I became acutely aware of what I was saying & what others were saying. I noticed how quickly I wanted to give my opinion, share my side of a story or carelessly give advice. Whatever easily flowed off my tongue is what was shared. How foolish. The verse that first caught my eye & really began to sink into my soul on this matter was Matthew 12:36:
“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”
Did you notice that is says “careless” not “intentionally hurtful” or “malicious”? Every careless word we speak, we will be held accountable for. We are responsible for every word that isn’t given with thought & consideration BEFORE we say them. I know sometimes it’s easy to justify what we say by thinking, “They asked for my opinion, so I gave it to them” or “Well, they wanted the truth, so I told them.” Who in the world do we think we are that our opinions are so great or right anyways? And do we really think that when we spew words out of our mouths that it will for sure be the truth? Our hearts by their very nature are evil. So if we are quickly & carelessly sharing the first thing that comes from our hearts, we're playing with fire.
Proverbs 13:3 says, “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”
Proverbs 29:20, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
When it comes to saying something or giving advice (even when it's asked for) God has dramatically changed my thought process. Oh sure, I mess up & still say things that I wish I could grab mid-air and cram back into my mouth. But as I have continued to meditate on these verses & ask God to help me be slow to speak & quick to listen & love, it’s amazing how (most of the time) my first instinct is to think, not speak. There have been countless times that I have had to pause after hearing something that has upset me or frustrated me, because an emotion (jealousy, anger, bitterness, etc) would rise up in me. I would realize that whatever was about to come out of my mouth, was out of evil & wasn't from Jesus. So as I would feel these emotions, I invited Jesus into that part of my heart that was stirring up ugly thoughts & words & asked Him to bring healing & forgiveness to those areas. Soon, I noticed that when I paused & considered where my words were about to come from, the words that my flesh would want to say was put to death immediately & I would either say nothing at all, or speak only life. Wow. It’s so encouraging to see how God transforms us if we actively & willfully allow change to happen. Praise Jesus!
Do you have a Negative Nancy in you life? I have a few. Some of you may live with one. Or maybe you work with an entire office of them. Some of you have a Negative Dave in your life. It’s quite impressive how their words can get me from “YAY YAY YAY!!” to “Wow, I feel so depressed” in minutes. Their spirits are like overwhelming, black clouds that just hang around. They can stick to you like the superest of super glues. I’ll ask her how dinner was & her response is, “It was alright. I just hope I don’t get bad indigestion. Because then I’ll be up all night, I’ll be completely wiped out tomorrow & won’t get anything done. Then I’ll have double the amount of work to do the next day. It’ll just be awful & then this dinner really will not have been worth it!” Wow. I just meant did I use enough salt, but ok. Or if I’m in town with Negative Nancy & ask her for an aspirin because I have a headache starting, she’ll say, “Oh gee, I sure hope it doesn’t turn into a migraine! You’ll be hurting for hours...possibly days! Then you’re vacation will have to be cancelled! And if it doesn't go away soon, I think you should go into the emergency room to make sure there’s not something horribly wrong with your brain!” No. It’s just a headache...and you’re not making it any better, lady. I try to strongly limit how much time I'm around personalities like hers. But sometimes, being around them is inevitable.
Some of the greatest hurt that I’ve experienced has been from "christian" women with sly, crafty, backhanded compliments & remarks that were infused with their own jealousy & hurt. When they don’t get their way, they skillfully try to manipulate me to make me feel guilty, worthless or accuse me of having a poor heart & attitude. What a sad state of mind to live in! And it’s just as miserable to be around someone like that! They literally suck the life out of the people around them. They’re words are usually said out of fear, anger, hurt or judgment. So really this isn’t an issue of just “speaking words”, is it. It’s a matter of the heart. But there’s good news! Jesus came to clean & save our hearts!
Luke 6:45 reminds us, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
I’ve heard that for every negative thing said to you, you have to hear at least 10 other positive things just to counteract it! Boy oh boy, after being around a Negative Nancy for even a few hours, you need to jump into an entire ocean of life-giving words & just soak in there for weeks!
In my high school & college years I vividly remember that I would feel depressed for weeks at a time for seemingly no reason. Then, the cloud would dissipate & I’d be “good” for another month or so. The second I felt that cloud come back, it was so easy to just give into it. But as I started to learn that I needed to live joyfully without waiting to “feel” joyful, it revolutionized my life. I also sought godly counsel & surrounded myself with positive, life-giving people to walk with me through the healing process of the hurt, pain & lies I'd received. During this process, if I felt that cloud start forming, I chose to push through, declare God as faithful & speak life in those moments. What happened was amazing! The actual emotion of joyfulness began to pour into my heart & it truly began to overwhelm me even greater than the depression that it replaced ever had! Our words can bring life. Or death. It can bring joy. Or anguish.
Have you heard the saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.” That is absolutely true!
Proverbs 11:12 says, “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.”
If your first reaction is to “blaaaaaaaaa”, ask the Lord to show you the parts of your heart that you’ve kept closed off to Him & that cause you to feel like those words need to be said. Go to the source. Your heart.
Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Proverbs 12:18, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Colossians 3:8, “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.”
When we stop & think about it, we have a great responsibility to everyone around us! We have the ability to speak death over them, OR we can build them up & speak life over them! There’s no way of sugar coating that. It’s life or death. There’s no in-between.
So which kind of word-giver are you? You can be a "good" person & still be speaking death to the people around you. Can we consciously begin to be aware of our words & what the motivation is behind them? Let's be honest with ourselves & God. Become quick to listen & love & talk to Jesus before you speak. Jesus is right there to walk with you through it all. He wants to see you cleaned out so that you can pour HIS life on others! I declare my God as faithful!
