Is Jesus Enough?

Something inside my heart has been awoken for the first time. Something in me that I was unaware of. Recently, our pastor presented the question, “Is Jesus enough?” Of course that question is rhetorical. And I know the answer is yes.  My brain answered immediately.

But I was surprised at the sting my heart felt from that question. Very surprised. During the next couple of weeks, my husband & I realized that the same question has repeatedly shown up from different sources. It is now a theme. And we got the hint.

I know that Jesus is enough. But can I be completely transparent with you? I don’t know if I live like I do. In some areas of my life I do. Usually the areas that are easier to give up control in, if I’m honest with myself. But when I press deeply into that question, in it’s very core & rawness, I don’t know if I have believed it.

Is Jesus enough …as long as my husband has a good job?

Is Jesus enough …as long as I have a big house?

Is Jesus enough …as long as I can lose the baby weight I put on?

Is Jesus enough …as long as I can be in control?

Is Jesus enough …as long as I don’t hurt in life?

Is Jesus enough …as long as my emotions feel it?

Is Jesus enough …as long as life goes the way I plan it?

Or is Jesus enough …PERIOD.

Oh I desperately want Him to be. I want Him to be all that I crave, love & know. He IS enough whether I believe it or not. But how would my life change if I really believed it & lived it? How would my relationships, words, life, heart & world be transformed? What would it look like if I stopped dancing in the gray area & just jumped into what I know to be right, true, honest, pure? What if.

No more what ifs.

Jesus, You are enough. Your sufficiency is not dictated by circumstance, emotion or what I can understand. Despite what I face. Despite when I hurt. You are enough. I believe that You will walk with me on this journey of chasing after Your heart. You do not ask me to be perfectly clean & have my life all put together nicely before I approach You. You are just asking me to trust You right now, with my mess & all. You love me unconditionally. You ask me to give You control. You are good. You know me better than I will ever know myself. So I trust You. And although there will be days where I feel weak, overwhelmed & hesitant, I know those emotions do not separate me from You. You are there & You remain enough.

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD. They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness. For you are their glory & strength" ~Psalm 89:15-17~

JESUS, YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I love you, friends. I declare my God as faithful…& enough. 

Loving Truth

I love that the Lord meets me where I’m at in life, dont you? It’s incredible that the God of the universe will walk along side me during this journey of growth, healing & restoration. I’m in awe of how quickly and powerfully He has entered into the areas of my life and heart that I knew had been closed off and were desperate for His presence. I’m ashamed to admit that I was expecting to have to convince Him to consume and heal those places. But nope. The moment I gave up control and invited Him in, He took over. Just as it should be.

I feel like a big ole’ stinky onion whose layers are being pulled back. One after another after another. I’m recognizing Jesus more. This is extremely exciting and scary and wonderful all at the same time. I’m excited because the more I see, the more I fall in love with Him. It’s scary because my flesh is always reminding me that I’m not perfect. It’s wonderful because He’s telling me I don’t have to be.

As the Lord is revealing people and things in my life, I am trying to address them one at a time. I’ve been encouraged. And e x t r e m e l y convicted.

I wholeheartedly believe that the Holy Spirit is impressing upon me an urgency to share Jesus through my words. Not just my actions. I know that there is a balance to be struck between talking about Jesus and living my life in such a way that He is seen through it. I don’t want to do more of one than the other. Honestly, I think that living differently is sometimes the easier of the two. I do my thing, you do your thing. Hopefully you see the difference in me. Hopefully YOU will approach ME. That means you’re willing to hear about Jesus. But the idea of ME approaching YOU, definitely takes me outside my comfort zone. There’s something about being…so…direct…that makes me hesitate. I don’t want to step on someone’s toes or overstep my boundaries. I don’t want to come across as judging. But I also don’t want to sugar-coat the Truth. 

I'm ashamed to admit all of that. But I'm being honest.

Well, this is what it boils down to.

There is no time left to dance around the truth. It's not my job to convince, convict or convert anybody. It is my job however, to share the Truth that I know, have experienced and have been changed by. I’m standing in a place of love. And if I love the people around me, I will share Jesus with them. A new love is developing inside of me and I can’t push it aside.

I hope the truth about Jesus is received well. But I’m ok if it’s not. I love the people in my life too much not to say anything. And I’m starting to think a lot less of myself and how I will look. I don’t matter. Jesus does. My life will be over in the blink of an eye. But life after death, whether in heaven or hell, will last an eternity.

So where’s my priority?

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

My Lord is good. He is love. He is the Truth. And I declare my God as faithful!

A Wounded Heart

Hello wonderful friend.

I’m afraid I’ve caught myself going through the motions of life again. It’s so frustrating when I break out of something then have re-“ah-ha” moment & realize that the mediocrity I’ve tried to avoid has once again emerged. How frustrating.

I started this blog because I was tired of wearing a mask. Whether or not anyone read it, I was still putting my heart into writing and acknowledging that even though I am a mess, Jesus has saved me & He remains faithful in my life. I needed to put myself out there in order to heal. If you just put a band-aid on a wound that requires more than that, it doesn’t heal & can even become infected. The Lord told me to be vulnerable with you; to be bold in my proclamation of His promises & to not be afraid of my imperfections & weaknesses.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 

God has been revealing His faithfulness & goodness in my life in order to bring me to the next part of where I need to me. He has spoken gently to me, assuring me that my heart is safe with Him. He has shown me His faithfulness over & over again & has used situations in the past year, situations of both rejoicing and mourning, to show me He does not change. I know He has is growing me. And as He does, He has opened my eyes to different parts of my life that need to change.

The word “wholeheartedly” has been popping up everywhere. Does that ever happen to you? A word or verse or concept that keeps showing up everywhere you look? After seeing it a few times, I realized that Jesus was telling me He wants access to EVERY part of my heart so that I can love & serve Him WHOLEHEARTEDLY. I immediately responded with “You do.” But I began to realize that I have had parts of my heart closed so tightly that I haven’t even let Jesus into them. By trying to keep them isolated, I have unintentionally kept Jesus out as well. They are areas that are so dark & overwhelming that I have sealed them up, thinking that if I just closed that chapter & moved on as the new person I have become, it would be all right. But it is not all right. I put a band-aid on wounds that needed more than that.

So, sweet friend, if you think about me, would you please pray for me during this process? Some wounds need to be re-opened to be properly cleaned out so that they can heal properly, which will undoubtedly be painful. But I am excited to give Jesus access into every part of my heart & life. I am tired of wincing at the very idea that my beautiful Savior would see how unclean I truly am. I know I can’t hide things from Him, yet I’ve acted like I could. He knows. I know He knows. I think I've just been scared of the pain that addressing all of this would bring. But I'm more afraid of not giving Jesus everything I am. That is why I am thankful for the loving guidance He has been giving me on this beautiful & messy journey. I know my heart is safe with Him. I know that He will lead me safely through this.

He has always known about these parts of my heart. Yet He loves me! Nothing is hidden from Him! Yet He loves me! He is patient & kind. So I am inviting Him to mold my heart more into what He desires. It's time for FREEDOM.

Please let me know if I can talk with you or pray for you about anything specific as well.

I declare my God as faithful!

Full of Thanks

I think it's so great when we all come together & discuss the same thing. Especially when we're on the subject of being thankful! There's a sense of unity & connection that I just love. I've been really enjoying everyone's Facebook statuses & Tweets about what they are thankful for. It's neat to all be focused on the wonderful people & blessings in our lives, isn't it? I've read everything from, "I'm so thankful for my family" to "I'm thankful for our soldiers", all the way to "I'm thankful for chocolate...of any kind". I'm thankful for all of the above! And sure, that last one may have been mine, but I am. No really.

I have so much to be thankful for. This year has been amazing. Not without it's challenges. But amazing. As I write this, my sweet little 3 month old is cooing away in her little swing, just telling me all sorts of stories. Her face lights up when our dog walks by or she hears something familiar. Oh Jesus, thank you for her. She is my heart.

Every thanksgiving season I always see Philippians 4:6 at some point. Whether it's in an email, on Facebook or in a card. I love it. It always reminds me of how my husband & I began learning what true thankfulness looks like during the first year we were married. What an awesome verse. And what a gift it's been to learn this with my best friend. He's pretty great. And extremely good looking. Lord, thank you for his good looks. I never tire of looking at him. Oh yeah, his personality, tenderness & humor too. But back to his good looks. I totally caught myself checking him out the other day. All I could think about was, "Dang. That is all mine. I'm so making out with him later." Happy thanksgiving to me. C'mon now, I'm married. It's so legal.

Philippians 4:6&7 says,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

We went from being thankful for the good days, to being thankful for the good in every day. And there sure is a very big difference between the two! Even in times of pain, uncertainty or confusion, there is always something greater & good to be thankful for. This is not always easy to do & the Lord knows it doesn't always come naturally for me, but I'm thankful that my God is patient with me as I continue to learn & practice this truth. I'm in awe of you who continue to show me what this looks like on a grander scale. There are those of you in my life that have had major tragedy happen and remain thankful for God's goodness & faithfulness. You bless me & everyone around you. And I'm thankful for the examples you are! I'm thankful for the women who have & continued to pour into my life!

I'm also so very grateful for the sweet, peaceful seasons of rest & renewal too! Our God is a good God. He is just as present on our sad days as He is on our happy ones.

Above all, I am thankful that God that loves me! And I am thankful that that love is so great for me that He offers us the gift of salvation. Freely. No strings attached. Our forever. All we have to do is accept it! That's a pretty good deal, right?

My God is good. He is my Salvation. And I declare my God as faithful!

Precious Arrival

Ok, so it’s been a thousand months since we’ve talked. My entire world has been turned upside down, sideways and inside out! All in good ways! We had our baby girl in August! Healthy, gorgeous and HAPPY all the time! The first thing I noticed when they laid her on my chest was her eye lids. She has my puffy eyelids. I did that! Wow. That is the coolest thing ever!! Oh, and my nose.

I cannot believe that she’s half me and half my husband. And I don’t think it really hits you until you see & hold your baby for the first time. That moment was the best of my life. I’m so passionately in love with her. She has been the PERFECT addition to our little family. She is a symbol of God’s love, goodness and faithfulness. We named her Raelyn because it means “God’s lamb of beauty.” Her middle name is Grace, “God’s unmerited favor”. We knew that’s exactly who she was. My mighty little princess warrior.

It’s incredible to know that because of God’s timing and His working everything out for our good, we have our daughter. Losing our first baby last year was the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. But even in the midst of the pain, I felt my God’s presence. I knew He was faithful and was ever so close to my heart. My second pregnancy was a constant opportunity to trust Jesus and meditate on His goodness…not my fears. And our beautiful daughter is one more example of how loving and good my God remains. If we hadn’t lost our first baby, I would not have Raelyn. It’s hard to explain how that makes me feel. It does not ease the heartache and depth of loss I still feel. I am not glad that it happened. However, God used that pain to teach me more about His heart than any “happy” season of my life. And He has created something beautiful through the timing and through His plan…the sweet life I now hold in my arms every day. (She’s pretty incredible, I gotta tell ya.)

So be encouraged, as I have been. He is good. Being able to see more clearly that He gives beauty for ashes and joy for mourning has made me fall in love with Him even more.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

Our little peanut now sleeps through the night and has started allowing me to put her in her swing throughout the day so I can get things done. Like I said, she’s pretty incredible. So, I am looking forward to talking with you more. You are special to me & I have prayed for you during my absence…and sleep deprivation.

Blessings, sweet friend.

In Every Situation

I absolutely love Philippians 4:6 & 7. It was a very precious verse to my husband & I during our first year of marriage when we were learning to fully rely on God even when circumstances felt incredibly shaky & the future felt unpredictable. The truth & lessons we learned through this verse become a part of our core, so this verse continues to be very dear to me. It reminds me of God's goodness in the past. And it encourages & gives me confidence about His goodness in the present & future. When we would recite this verse, we'd take it one line at a time, soak in it & practice it. The "give thanksgiving" part was not always easy. Especially when we felt like we were lacking something big at that moment. But as we communicated our thankfulness, our hearts began to be truly thankful & we realized how abundantly blessed we were & how much we had to be thankful for! I pray this verse blesses you where you're at now. I love you, dear friend.


Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving*, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus*.

*Thanksgiving: The expression of gratitude to God

*Will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus: The enemy does not battle to change our situations. He battles to defeat our minds & hearts! Your heart & mind, when connected to God, are the outlets in which the joy & peace that God gives flows. If the enemy can trick or even distract your heart or mind, then you will be deceived into thinking that your situations have overwhelmed you & you will live today defeated and disheartened. But the truth is, God continues to hold you in His hand & work for your good. God & His provision for you will not change, but if you allow the enemy to enter into your heart & mind, he WILL enter & try to deceive you! Rely on God’s unchanging truth, not our changing emotions or limited understanding. That means the moment satan tries to put doubt, fear or worry into your heart or mind, you immediately claim God’s truth in your life, over & over & over. God’s Word is His truth, so keep a scripture you can look at, meditate on & quote out loud written down right next to you today. And when you read it, don’t speed through it. Take it line by line & claim it. The same Holy Spirit that dwelt in Jesus now dwells in YOU! And satan cannot intimidate, change or manipulate you unless you give him permission. Make your focus on Jesus & His goodness! Be mesmerized by Him today!

That Man of Mine

I am watching my husband live out Ephesians 5:28. “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” With all the raging hormones and emotions flying around, I know that my husband does not have an easy job right now. Not that living with me didn't have its challenges before, but let's just be honest, pregnancy can make a woman a little...unpredictable. So I wanted to use this time to brag on him for a moment. And as a thank you to him, I decided to compile a little list of the recent amazingness he's shown me. Jarred, you're the best.


PREGNANCY MAKE ME APPRECIATE MY HUSBAND EVEN MORE WHEN...

I wake up in the middle of the night, AC going full blast, and I still feel like I’m burning up. Then I look over and see my husband wrapped up tightly in 3 extra blankets, only his nose showing, because he’s so cold. (And I never hear any complaints about his frostbite in the morning.)

My husband gives “the pause” after he says something and isn’t sure how I’ll respond to it. If my expression isn’t looking positive within .098 seconds, he will either back pedal like his life depends on it (because it just might) or tell me how beautiful I am to distract me. I’m perfectly ok with either one.

The bigger & more uncomfortable I feel, the louder his whistles and cat calls are when he catches me changing. He leaves no room in my mind for me to feel unattractive.

He comes to every one of my doctor’s appointments. He’s very helpful at remembering the questions that I always forget to ask my nurse. The other day I couldn’t remember my question, but knew it had something to do about my belly button. I asked my husband if he could remember. He nodded yes and very seriously told my nurse, “We’d like to know where it went.”

He comes home after a long day at work and an intense hike in the mountains and asks what he can do for ME while he’s making dinner. Seriously? How did I score this guy?

We both realized I just ate as many chicken wings as he did. I look at him in shock. He responds, “I have never wanted you more than at this very moment.”

What a blessing it is to have a husband that not only supports me but constantly makes me laugh. He is patient with my craziness and gentle to my every changing emotions. That man…I’m gonna keep him for sure.

Thank you, God, for my awesome (and extremely good looking) husband! During these times of transition and change, You remain constant. I declare You as faithful!