Beauty Restored

Dear, dear friend. Have I told you lately that I love you & think you’re incredibly, awesomely, fabulously great? Well, I do! There’s extreme passion & urgency in this message to you! And girl, when I’ve got this feeling down in my soul, you’ll be here for a while! Grab a yummy drink or snack & let’s share some time together.
 

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.
 

When you hear that statement, does it resonate truth in your soul?
 

Or do you shrug it off because that’s just a “nice comment” that you feel isn’t really true?
 

Do you make comments to counter act that statement? “Well that’s nice of you to say, but you should see my sister...SHE’S beautiful.” “Thanks, but I really hate the way my hair looks.” “Oh, not really. I need to lose some weight.”
 

I have to wonder what it does to God’s heart when His intricately woven masterpiece says that about herself. I’m sure it doesn’t make His heart happy when His perfection & creativity is critiqued & belittled. So if it doesn’t make Him happy, doesn’t that mean it makes Him sad? Have you ever thought about how it affects God when you put yourself down? I know that this realization sure changed my thinking. It’s felt like quite a long, difficult journey...but my God is faithful & never left me. I was never “too much” for Him to handle. From the day He created me in my mother’s womb, He’s been showing me & telling me how beautiful I am. But only recently was I willing to listen & believe Him.
 

How would our hearts be healed if we started loving what we call “imperfections” & “quirks” the way that Jesus does? Or AT LEAST start appreciating His handiwork? One of us might not like the color of our eyes. But have you ever stopped to think about the design of those eyes? Go to a mirror & admire them for a minute. (Disclaimer: Please don’t admire them WHILE you’re curling your lashes. You might not pay attention to how hard you’re curling them, loose a few dozen & have an awkward bald spot in the middle of your left lid. I know that it sounds like I’m talking from experience...and frankly, I’d prefer not to discuss that right now. So let’s just focus...) Look closely at your pupils, iris, & all the little patterns, speckles & shades of colors that compose the outside of those eyeballs. They are beautiful, aren’t they? I think they’re spectacular. They aren’t just lovely on the outside, they are ingeniously designed on the inside. Let me tell you just a few things about your magnificent peepers:


*Your eyes are the most complex organs you possess except for your brain

*Your eyes are composed of more than 2 million working parts

*Your eyes can distinguish 500 shades of the gray

*Your retina contains 120 million rods for "night vision" & 8 million cones that are color sensitive & work best under daylight conditions

*Your eyes contribute towards 85% of your total knowledge
 

Isn’t that incredible? How can we be so critical of the colors or shapes of our eyes when we know just a fraction about the intricacy of how your Creator made them?
 

Unfortunately though, it’s quite easy to feel inadequate or lacking. And we criticize. We complain. We grumble about our chunky thighs, our fluffy tummies & our lack of defined calf muscles. Even in the “best” shape of my life, I wasn’t content or happy with what I saw. My definition of beauty was based off of lies. What I had been told, was a lie. And thanks to the media & Hollywood, we are constantly bombarded by images of thin, tall, “perfect” women. But those women don’t even look like that! Thanks to photo editing & airbrushing, our culture’s standards of beauty can be digitally, but falsely reached. Again, it’s all a lie. Our emotions are being abused so that we will buy something. Our sense of self-worth is put into question, so we will sign up for the “trendy” diet or exercise program. Our sexuality is demoralized & perverted because we’re supposed to be promiscuous if we want to be sexy. And for those of us who are married...we DO want to be sexy for our husbands! We want to be beautiful to the world & valued by our friends & family. So what’s a girl to do? Buy that mascara? Sign up for that diet program that will “fix” us? Read that magazine so we can learn about all the things we’re doing wrong in the world’s eyes? NO! NO! NO! Don’t let the world dictate what you will do with your body or how you should feel about it.
 

Romans 12:1-2 says, "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
 

I used to measure my value & beauty by how much food I could withhold from myself. And when a few people caught on that I wasn’t eating much, or if I did “give in” & eat something, there were times I resorted to throwing it up. Of course I couldn’t rationalize it then, but now I see it for the addiction, ugliness & bondage it was. I felt in control & disciplined if I could keep from eating for days at a time. I associated a completely empty, hurting stomach with skinniness...and skinniness with beauty. And if I could exercise excessively everyday, that was even better. I would have no energy & would black out during those workouts, but that was just part of the deal. Even as a young child, I remember hearing hurtful comments from relatives & completely internalizing them. Those comments were said out of ignorance by people who had been hurt themselves, but my heart was injured nonetheless. On top of already feeling sub-par going into college, my obsession was almost encouraged by unhealthy relationships I had in my life. I was thanked by my boyfriend because he thought it was a compliment that I’d want to look so good around him & that I thought he deserved someone “better”. I was completely shattered one day when my friend & I were at the gym working out. She had recently discovered my obsession with food. I was working out with a large group of my guy friends, when she felt the need to walk over to me, lift her shirt to expose her defined, toned abs & say, “I’m getting so fat, Heather. Maybe I should just stop eating like you do.” I was numb for a few minutes. I couldn’t believe what I had heard & how matter-of-fact & emotionless she said it. I thought we were friends. I thought we were close. I felt embarrassed, angry & totally betrayed. It literally broke my heart. Looking back now, I have abundant compassion for her. I can see how she was just a hurt, insecure girl who’s mom was constantly trying to live through her. She was harshly judged, unfairly ridiculed, and told on a daily basis that she never did anything right. The only thing she thought she could use in life, was her body. Even her “friends” talked about her behind her back. She had no loyalty or support in her life. Now, I see how she showed so much insecurity in the form of backhanded compliments, but I couldn’t see it then. She & I weren’t that different after all. 



  
Thinking back, I don’t even know who I was. But Jesus did. And He patiently & loving walked with me through that oh-so-dry season. I wasn’t ugly. The lies were! The enemy used people who were insecure themselves, to pass judgement & hurt to me. Please let me make one thing very clear. I don’t bring up my past so that you feel sorry for me, or to blame others, or to even acknowledge the negative things. I bring it up as a testimony of where I came from & how I’ve been freed & restored! Those people aren’t the enemy. Satan is. And I thank Jesus with all my heart that I was in physical bondage for only about 2 years. I know some women stay imprisoned their entire lives. And although this is something I always have to keep in check emotionally, I truly have been set free!
 

With all the changing trends, who on earth could keep up with it all anyways? Being tall is “in”...now being ultra-thin is “in”...now “curvy” shapes are “in”...now being short is “in”. ARE YOU KIDDING? There are no standards that Jesus put on our bodies. Yes, we need to take care of them & glorify Him with them. Yes, we need to be healthy. However, I try to be in shape, but the fluff on my fabulous hips aren’t going anywhere. And that’s just fine! He calls me His beautiful daughter.
 

I Corinthians 6:19-20, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

So if I “know” this, then why is so hard to be content & so easy to complain? Two words: the enemy. He will do anything he can to make you feel without worth or beauty. He will use anyone to put you down, say hurtful things to you & treat you unfairly. If you feel worthless, you won’t grab hold of the revelations of how GOD HIMSELF CREATED YOU & HAS DESTINED YOU FOR GREATNESS; EVERY INCH OF YOUR BODY HAS BEEN MADE BY THE SAME GOD WHO CREATED THE UNIVERSE. As women, we were created to be & feel beautiful. The way we talk, the way we walk, the way we impact the lives of people around us...is supposed to be beautiful. But if distractions about our physical appearance can keep us from seeing things with eternal value, the enemy’s plan is working.
 

The same evening that I wanted to share this with you, I came across a video. I was searching for something completely unrelated, however I know this was a God thing. I think it’s a great visual. Even when we feel like unimpressive, clumps of sand, if we let God move in & through us & we allow His ways to be our ways, something beautiful happens. That lump of salt becomes breathtaking as it truly comes to life. 

Knowing that you are beautiful is important. And if you’re dealing with mental, emotional or physical bondage, that’s real too. I’m not trying to minimize that. I am however, questioning who’s definition of beauty we’re referring to. Have you ever talked with Jesus & just poured out all the ugliness you feel about yourself? I highly encourage you to do so. He knows how we feel anyways, so we might as well be honest with Him. After you spend as much time as you need sharing your heart, whether it’s minutes, hours or weeks, ask God to speak His truth over you. Ask Him to tell you how HE feels about you. Ask Him if He thinks you’re beautiful. Don’t just half-heartedly ask Him, then think since He created you, He HAS to think you’re beautiful. Ask Him to tell your heart & to let it sink into the very core of your being. Let Him show you. I promise He desperately wants to! Let Him change how you view yourself, your body, & your beauty. One of the biggest factors in my healing, was through support & godly counsel from women in my church. Please find someone that will keep you accountable & give you godly wisdom & advice. Local churches usually offer this service for free. If they don’t, they can point you in the right direction.
 

Take every unholy thought captive, dear friend. Once we do that, there will be less & less room for the enemy’s lies & MORE & MORE room for holy affirmations, compliments & refreshment in our hearts & minds. Let Him show you that you are the CROWN OF HIS CREATION. As we start to grasp that...no power in hell can stop the healing we’ll receive, the impact we will have on the people around us & on God’s Kingdom!
 

This is one of my favorites. Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."
 

I’ve walked through my desert of questioning my worth & beauty. But Jesus has made me into a beautiful, new creation. And I declare my God as faithful!

Motivation On the Mountain

Oh friend. Is it just me, or does the sky seem bluer & the birds seem chirpier when you’ve got The Joy deep down in your soul? I’m telling ya. I could just breathe in this mountain air all day long. Well, I guess I have to in order so stay alive, but I could just intentionally breathe in this thin, clean, mountain air all day. *Ahhhh* As I was sitting out & enjoying Jesus & the weather, I saw a huge hawk circling in the sky. And this tiny, little, black bird was swooping all around it trying to give it subtle kidney jabs as warnings to stay away. Ok, it wasn’t subtle, this black bird had a mission. The hawk kept flying in circles, more annoyed than anything. But eventually Mr. Hawk got high enough that he wasn’t seen as a threat anymore and the little black bird went back to his own neighborhood. At one point, the hawk started circling fairly low, but directly above me. I could see all the colors and patterns of it’s feathers. The sun was shining straight down on him & the light was going through his feathers to reveal all the little details that I couldn’t have seen otherwise. I had a pretty neat view, to say the least. How graceful he was. I called my husband outside because I thought it was absolutely magnificent. Every time it would fly right over us, I let out a “Ohhhhh WOW!” or a “OHHH! Look at that!” He just gave me this little smile. I recognized it from previous times. It’s the smile I get when I start screaming for him to come kill a HUGE spider and it turns out to be sock fuzz. Or when I climb on the counter because I saw a mouse run across the kitchen...and it turns out to be a dust bunny. Oh how I wish I was exaggerating right now. Anyways, he pretended like he wasn’t as impressed with that hawk as I was, but deep down, I’m sure he was crying over the beauty and majesty of it all. I’m sure of it.

So that was the excitement of my day. My month in Colorado has been active and exciting as well! I’ve been hiking a few times. Let me tell you all about it. Last weekend, my uncle took my husband & I on a 4 mile hike. He's a seasoned hiker & has conquered five 14ers so far. I used to hike all the time and I’m falling back in love with it. It was intensely wonderful. I’m sure it was an easier hike for the avid hikers out there...but to me...it was...quite the workout. At times, we were trekking over huge rocks. A few minutes later, we were walking across fine sand. There were a few trails that were so narrow, I had to make myself focus on my feet, not the scenery. I tend to daydream a lot & sometimes, it’s not the right time to do so. I think I felt my guardian angle nudge me back on to the trail a few times as I started to wander off. Which wandering wasn’t a good thing at that point. Wandering off that trail meant rolling down the side of a mountain. It would have just made for a bad day, ya know? I mean sure, in theory, it seems like it’d be fun. Maybe I’d learn I’m a good extreme-cart wheeler. Or perhaps I’m really good at the “tuck & roll” position. I guess we’ll never know. Thanks common sense, for sucking all the enjoyment out of that thought. There were a few times when my husband would turn around and give me a thumbs up to see if I was doing ok. I learned really quick not to answer, “Yep. Doin' good. I didn’t almost fall off that cliff at all. Nope. And definitely not twice.” After that, I just gave a thumbs up. He seemed happier and less stressed when I answered that way.

There were times to focus on the trail. And there were times to look around at the scenery. This is where I feel like I’m at in life. Sometimes I want nothing else than to look around, enjoy the view & prematurely reap the benefits of my endurance & consistency on a grueling hike. But there are certain seasons that I’m noticing are more of “Stick to it, keep going, keep pushing forward even though you want to look up & enjoy the view. The time isn’t now” sort of seasons. And there are other seasons that are “Enjoy the scenery, take it in, be thankful & enjoy the results of your endurance.” I like those seasons. Actually, I LOVE those seasons. Those are nice. And pretty. But I’ll tell ya, I have more of the first kind than the second. I suppose one big hurdle for me right now is getting my last 1 1/2 years of schooling done. Like I've said before, I'm definitely the kind of person that takes the scenic route, not the direct route. As great as that is most of the time, I've got to admit, it makes staying motivated a lot harder since I have to keep working longer for one goal. I wish I could just snap my fingers & it’d be done. But that didn’t happen when I tried it just now. I just felt silly. In those seasons of keeping myself motivated, focused and determined, I learn the most. In times like that, God tends to show me things I say I know, but I don’t REALLY know. It’s easy to stick with something for a day or a week. But after months & months of the same routine and challenges, I get pretty sick of it. But thank You, Lord that we don’t have to rely on our own strength or feel-good emotions to accomplish our goals! When our strength is gone, it’s no big deal...He’s made perfect in our weakness. When we feel discouraged, that’s ok...we have a God who renews us daily and pours His encouragement on us. I’m so grateful that I serve a God that gives me what I’m lacking...which is everything. We’re right, we can’t do it. Not on our own anyways. So spend some time thanking Jesus for this season you’re in. Whether you’re taking in the beauty of the scenery from on top of your mountian, or you’re focused on the trail so you don’t fall off the mountain, give Jesus the glory for it all! We aren’t alone. We will never be alone. I declare my God as faithful!